I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
