Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
