I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
