Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
