ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
