Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
