if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
