Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
