I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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