my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
MIDGETS
????
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize