some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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