She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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