The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
