I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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