SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
