my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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