i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
