I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
