my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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