Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
