Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we're making bets on your personal life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
