i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i believe in u and ur pee
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
