End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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