Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
