I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
