He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
