1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
