just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
