I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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