After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize