how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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