I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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