Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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