I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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