Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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