just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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