What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
