Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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