My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
