cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
