omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
