HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize