I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
