I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
