to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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