im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
