alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
