would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
