I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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