Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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