I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
