I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
