i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
