I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
