never play flip cup with pint glasses
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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