well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
