can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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