oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
