I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
