i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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