Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
