the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize