Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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