I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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