Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
