Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just threw up on my dentist
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
