What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
