I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
