I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize